The New Hand, Part Ninety-Seven

by J. Rosemary Moss

Genre: Slash Fan-Fiction (Bonanza)
Rating: PG-13

LINK TO PART ONE

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Adam crept into his bedroom without bothering to light a lantern—he didn’t want to risk waking David. There was a sliver of moonlight coming in through the curtains, and that was enough to see by.

He undressed quietly and made his way into the bed. David was sleeping somewhat fitfully on his back. Adam rested his head against David’s good shoulder and put his arms around him, hoping that would settle him down.

It seemed to do the trick. After a few minutes of nearness, David’s breathing grew deeper, as if he somehow knew that Adam was there.

Adam shut his own eyes and reflected back on their conversation about Kane. Would it really do any good to tell his family what happened? On the one hand, it might be worse for them to always wonder just what had occurred. God knows what they were imagining. All they knew now was that he had been through some kind of hell.

But on the other hand, his family seemed to understand his need for privacy on this matter. And if he told them the whole of it, they would be horrified. They would want to smother him with sympathy and they would see him as a victim. Despite David’s insistence that they would only admire Adam for surviving, Adam couldn’t quite bring himself to believe that. Maybe they would admire him, but they would see Adam as a victim as well, and they would burn with frustration at the fact that there was so little they could do to make things right.

And there was always the chance that they wouldn't admire him. There was always the chance that they would have contempt for him for not fighting back when Kane raped him. That was still the most shameful part of the whole ordeal for Adam—not the rape itself, but the fact that he didn't fight Kane off. At that one moment, he'd just been too sunk in despair.

Why should he put his family through knowing all that? Why put them through even an edited version? Why let them suffer, thinking of everything that Kane had done? It was bad enough, Adam reflected, that he had confided in David.

Adam grinned suddenly. He hadn’t meant to confide in him—but David had used every underhanded method at his disposal to draw the story from him.

Well, he had to admit that he felt the better for talking about it. But telling David was one thing. Telling Pa, Hoss and Joe—no, it would pain them too much to know what Adam had undergone. Especially when there was nothing they could do about it now.

But maybe, if they did know, they would admire him for surviving. David could be right about that after all. There was a certain amount of comfort in that thought—but not enough to make him risk telling them.

Adam sighed and drifted off to sleep.

LINK TO PART NINETY-EIGHT