The Monstrosity, Part Fourteen

by J. Rosemary Moss

Genre: Fan Fiction (Bonanza)
Rating: R

LINK TO PART ONE

~

Lunch at the International House was not the torture I expected. “Don’t worry,” Drew had told me in advance. “The spectacle of a blind man clinging to your arm with one hand and his cane with the other will distract our good citizens from your return to society.”

He proved correct. I had never noticed before, but many people forgot their manners when Drew was in their vicinity. I watched them stare openly at him. I suppose they felt that since he couldn’t see them, their rudeness didn’t signify.

“Are people gaping at me?” Drew whispered as we made our way to a quiet table in the back.

“Yes,” I whispered back.

He let out a soft chuckle. “What did I tell you? As long as you have a blind fellow at hand, you’ll never be the center of attention.”

I grinned at him as we took our seats. “True—but should I feel guilty about using you as a shield?”

“Not at all,” Drew assured me. “I don’t mind being of service.”

I grinned again, but then I noticed the party at the next table. Mrs. Herford had leaned over to ‘whisper’ something to her niece, but her voice was quite audible. I distinctly heard the words, “...some poor fellow named Peter Kane.”

I glanced at Drew. He was taking a sip from his glass of water, but I knew he must have heard Kane’s name as well. He has keener ears than I do—he has to rely on them, after all.

I swore under my breath. “Sometimes I wish to God that I had stood trial for Kane’s death,” I said, keeping my voice quiet. “Then everything would be in the open—people wouldn’t be wondering if I went mad in the desert and murdered a man.”

Drew smiled at that and set down his glass. “You’ll have to live with their conjectures—but only for a little while. People have short memories, Adam. And no one here knew Kane personally. Did he leave any grieving relations behind, by the by?”

“No—no one came forward, at any event. And his death was well-advertised.”

“So much the better,” said Drew judiciously. “That makes things less complicated.”

I frowned. “I don’t know—I wish he’d had family. As it is, he left nothing behind but blood and death.”

“He saved your life,” Drew reminded me. “And—no pun intended—but he left his mark on you.”

I rolled my eyes. “The mark of Kane,” I said. “Yeah, he did leave that.” I picked up my own glass of water and stared into it. “How do you do it, Drew?” I asked. “How do you get through each day without despising Tom Haley?”

He took his time about answering that. “For a while, I was almost as attached to Tom as I was to my brother,” he said softly.

I stared at him. I think my mouth even dropped open. He must have sensed that, for he smiled suddenly.

“You must think I’m insane, considering what that man did to us,” he said. “But remember, Adam, that he also taught me chess and figures. And he took the time to read to me. But, most importantly, he told me over and over that I didn’t have to be useless just because I was blind. No one had ever told me that before—not even Jack.”

He paused. “I used to take good care of Tom when he was drunk. The best care I was able to, at any event. Jack wouldn’t, you know. Well, sometimes he’d make certain that Tom got to bed and got his boots off, but that was all. Jack always said that it was better not to be too kind to Tom when he was drunk because that would only encourage him to drink more. I suppose he was right.”

I shut my eyes for a long moment. Drew must have sensed my discomfort. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“It’s—it’s disturbing to think of you as so attached to that man,” I said. I hadn’t intended the remark to be cutting, but I couldn’t disguise the edge to my voice.

Drew didn’t miss that edge. He bristled up and glared in my direction. “God help you, Adam. You want to reform people and make them perfect. I suppose that’s admirable, but you’ll never be able to live with Kane’s memory if you don’t lower your standards."

He paused again to take another sip of water. “Tom—well, what do you want me to say? I know what he was. But that doesn’t change the fact that I stand in his debt. And I don’t mean just the money he left us. If it weren’t for him, I’d have never taken an interest in finances. I’d have sponged off of Jack for my entire life. As things stand, at least I have some value.”

I thought that over. I could almost see his point—I could understand his desire to pull his own weight.

“Besides,” Drew concluded, “Tom wasn’t always such a bad fellow.”

I rolled my eyes again. “You say that only because there haven’t been enough good people in your life.”

“Just as well,” Drew retorted. “Judging by you, good people can be quite tedious.”

We were interrupted by the waiter just then, which was just as well. It gave us time to cool off—otherwise I can’t answer for what would have happened. But as it was, we each placed our orders and waited for the waiter to leave before returning to our conversation.

“I don’t mean to be tedious,” I snapped.

“Good. I can only assume you’d be unbearable if you were putting any effort into it,” Drew snapped back.

That almost caused me to grin—almost. But I was still annoyed. Nonetheless, I made an effort to control my temper.

“What happens if I can’t find a way to live with his memory?” I demanded.

“You will,” Drew said as he fiddled with his glass. “You just have to stop holding yourself to ridiculous standards. I don’t know anyone else who would be so filled with remorse at Kane’s death—and I don’t know anyone else who would torture themselves for acting in self defense. It’s time you got off your damned pedestal.”

I twisted my lips at that. “Why should I? So I can be grateful to Kane for almost destroying me? So I can thank him for what he did—as you apparently look back and thank Tom Haley?” I paused to sigh in disgust. “I don’t intend to make my peace with Kane the way you’ve made yours with Haley.”

Drew said nothing for almost a full minute. And when he finally spoke, his voice was tight with anger. “I don’t have to answer to you for any affection I might feel for Tom,” he said slowly. “I’ll deal with his memory anyway I bloody well please.”

I just looked away, repulsed by his twisted charity toward the man who had abused him. Neither Drew nor I said another word to each other for the remainder of the meal.

LINK TO PART FIFTEEN